Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
