I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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