I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
