I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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