is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
