I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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