she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
