i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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