Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
