She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
