she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
