So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
