who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
