I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
