you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
