well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
