dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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