they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't think brook has ever known best
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
