I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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