Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
