I bet he comes in French.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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