considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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