Your face is a jimmy john
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
