i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
