I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
