No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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