he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
