Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
