is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
