I heard we made out
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
