This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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