i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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