OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
