I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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