I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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