carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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