Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
