I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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