I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
