So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and she was petting her beer can
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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