I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
