he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
