I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
