all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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