there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
