drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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