Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
