good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Still dying that you shit outside
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
