I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
