remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
