i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The power of my boobs compel you
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
