FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
