obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
