I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
