You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drake has all the answers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
