After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
