Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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