She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
