Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
