i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
